Accepting Me

I’ve struggled with my identity within spirituality. With feeling like I don’t fit into the ‘spiritual’ groups & no longer gel with the so called mainstream groups. Feeling isolated within myself. Questioning my grip on reality, or lack thereof. Searching for someone to define things & experiences for me. So often feeling like I’m walking through a dream, too connected, yet not completely connected to anything at all. Through this drowning, and constant redirection. Realizing the titles I place are reflections of the places within myself that I’m not accepting, that only I have my answers, only I have my definitions. To place, or allow. I’m in the waters regardless, it is up to me to flow with the waves, or be taken under by them. I’m here now. Learning to love me. Learning to fit in with me, because I have come to the conclusion that I deserve it. Learning to stretch, and shift into my fullness. Because life feels good when I show up.

“I see people out the corner of my eyes. I see them walking. When I look they’re never there. Am I being followed, or am I in the middle of some distant place. I hear you talking but there’s no one in the room. Should I tell them? I think I’ll keep it to myself. I can’t stop laughing as tears roll down my cheeks. It’s a joke my soul told, I’m trying to hold it together. I dip my toes, don’t get too close. They’ll hand me off to the crazies. Maybe I can live in a shoe and make imaginary friends. They used to whisper now they take me swimming in the river thames. I knock on the river man’s boat as I float under the starless sky. Just as he sets his bottomless eyes on me, it’s my turn in the checkout line. I bought some wine, so I can have a peace of mind. If I could find my mind, a piece of mine.”

Loving You

Marisha An

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